Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
