The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
