My sheets look like a crime scene.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
