i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
