I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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