seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
