He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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