So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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