It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
