one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
