party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
