All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
