my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
