Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i will never coherently bang her
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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