So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
