would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
