Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
