just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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