ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
