Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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