Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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