Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
