Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
