Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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