dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
