i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize