i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I know her cup size but not her name....
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