dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
