My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
