The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
