By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
