I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
