just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Verdict: uncircumcised.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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