i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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