Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
