dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Farmville is her only friend.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
