his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
