i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
