Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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