I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
