Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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