dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
