I cockslap morals
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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