Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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