coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
