I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
