don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
