So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
