i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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