bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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