It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
