Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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