I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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