Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
