You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
