We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
