Plan B is the new Plan A
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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