would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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