Someone shit on the floor
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
