I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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