I think my vagina is haunted
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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