Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
