dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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