I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
