Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
