i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
