I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
