Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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