Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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