i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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