Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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