I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
