Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
