Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
