We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
